Tank Johnson Stars in "Longest Yard" Remake

Forget Burt Reynolds. Forget Adam Sandler. The Chicago Bears' Tank Johnson is going them both one better by starring a real-life remake of the movie "The Longest Yard."

You know the plot to that movie. Former NFL star does something stupid, gets sent to prison, is asked to put together a football team to play the guards, etc. Now, no one has asked the Tankster to put together a football team, but pretty much the rest of it is there.

In case you've been hiding under a rock, Tank was accused of violating an 18-month probation he'd received on a 2005 weapons charge. He pleaded guilty to having a loaded weapon in his car and was given a wrist slap. When the Gurnee, IL police descended on his house in December they found a small aresenal on-premises, none of which was registered. Probably because he wasn't supposed to have guns in his house, car, or anywhere else. It looked like Tank had become confused about his nickname and expected he might actually have to roll through the street of Iraq searching for terrorists.

The irony is if he only could've held off for another five months his probation would've been up and he could've had all the nasty firearms he wanted. But when you violate probation after pleading guilty the U.S. court system tends to think you're not taking them seriously, and they get as offended as a girlfriend walking in on you while you're having sex with her best friend. It's just not cool.

So the Tankster is going to spend a few months in Cook County Clink. That's the bad news. The good news is they probably have a better weight room than the Bears, and no nightclubs, so Tank can spend his days getting himself in shape for training camp in August. Not to mention all the practice he'll get going toe-to-toe with large, angry men who have nothing lose because they're going to guests of the County for a very long time. Maybe that will help him increase his sack total above his lofty output of 3.5 for 2006.

The only question left is who will play the wise old sidekick who helps show him the ropes. Surely there must be an Oakland Raider somewhere who's up for the job.