Anna Nicole Smith Starts New Weight Loss Program

After years of struggling with various weight issues, it appears celebrity bimbo Anna Nicole Smith has started on a new, sure-fire weight loss program. The program, called the Die-t, is designed to help her keep from shoving the mass quantities of food for which she has become famous into her mouth while relieving her of the burden of exercising daily. It is believed to be an accelerating program, which means weight loss will begin slowly and then increase steadily over the next few months.

"This program may seem extreme to those who are not rich and famous for getting naked and sleeping with shriveled, disgusting octogenarians while making low-grade, C-quality soft core porn," said her hanger-on consultant, "Dr." Fayed Apunta. "But those people just don't understand the pressures someone like Anna is under to maintain her celebrity or even function in a world without any discernable brain cells whatsoever. My hat is off to her for her dedication to her craft."

Ms. Smith could not be reached for comment.